...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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