I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
