I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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