I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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