I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
