Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
