Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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