Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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