Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
