So drunk its hurt
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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