I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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