he puts the penis in happiness.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
