Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Farmville is her only friend.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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