I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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