she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
