omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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