I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
