I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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