I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
