I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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