Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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