Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
