In the future we'll all be gay
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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