What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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