I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry about my life...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
