I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
