They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
