I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
