It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
