i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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