how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
