i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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