I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize