he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
