Can i not drive my cunt home
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
