If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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