Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
3pm strippers are depressing
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
