I should be sponsored by Trojan
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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