I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
