I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
