Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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