Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
