did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
