You work out of a Hotel?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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