It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
