That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
