Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
