It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
