dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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