wrigley field is MILF paradise
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
