Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebeeās and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
