I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
