We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
