Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he fucked my hip out of place.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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