I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
