she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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