Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize