I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
