you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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