Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
