They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
