I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
