Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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