he shaved USA in his pubs
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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